Introducing the InfiniBudget 9000!

InfiniBudget 9000 to revolutionize marketing as we know it

Time and time again, we hear the same laments from our clients:

  • “We just don’t have the budget!”
  • “I’d love to do more marketing, but the CFO doesn’t believe in ads.”
  • “My nephew’s class said they’ll build our web site for three large pizzas.”
  • “The CEO says we need to work smarter not harder, pull ourselves up by our bootstraps, do more with less, stand for quality, and also reach for the stars”
  • “All this BookTweet webby jibber-jabber the kids are messing with nowadays is free, right?”.

Here at iDiz Incorporated, we’ve been listening — and we’ve been hard at work in our basement workshop high-tech laboratories on the latest marketing revolution.

Introducing the InfiniBudget 9000!

Simply unpack, plug it in, read the simple 3,478 page instruction manual, provide a small tissue sample, insert four quarters, don the lead-lined gloves, ask a qualified electrician to flip the switch, and watch your InfiniBudget 9000 go to work pumping up your budget in three amazing ways!

C-Level Cortical Trainer targets and massages the mental money centers of CFOs, CEOs, CTOs, and any other stray executives within 300 yards, removing those pesky budgetary inhibitions. They’ll feel a warm, pleasurable glow whenever they agree to a Marketing request, and a mild correctional shock when they reach for a red pen.

InfiniYou Marketing Minion Staff Mindstate Modifier transmits your plans and desires directly into the minds of your marketing minions staff (or anyone you can convince to stare into the red light for five seconds). You’ll be so much more efficient when everyone’s on the exact same page — your page! It’s like having two, three, five, or even ten extra pairs of hands to do your every bidding!

InfiniTime Temporal Stretcher gives you all the extra time you need to perfect your plans, massage every detail for maximum impact, and even proofread! Better yet, with the twist of a dial, you can pull in cash from past and future marketing budgets to use right now.

(Note: The InfiniBudget 9000 is targeted for release just as soon as a few minor isotope stability issues are worked out.)

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Brian Wringer

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