4 things a toddler can teach you about people

This email is being sent the day after election day, which means I’m writing it before and on election day. What that has to do with the way toddlers behave I’ll leave to you, dear reader, to decide.

Toddlerhood is a famously troublesome time for pretty much every kid. My kid, despite being perfect in every conceivable way, is no exception. Add in new life challenges like daycare and a new baby brother, and my toddler has become a terrible, tiny tyrant indeed.

But you can find surprising wisdom in toddlers. I think toddlers are a great model for understanding the average person because they are a) small, b) powerless and c) confident that a and b don’t matter. They really get up in their emotions at the slightest inconvenience and while the rest of us would like to believe we are more mature, when I look around I’m pretty sure we’re all just faking it.

For both your enjoyment and information, here are four things my toddler says that might help us understand why people are the way they are a little better.

My do it myself

Yes, my kid is working on first person singular pronouns, and we hope it takes a long time because it’s adorable.

This is quintessential toddlerdom. I’m not breaking any new ground here, but I had to put it first so that every parent reading this can feel seen. Toddlers grab onto the concept of personal autonomy like they don’t know how to let go. 

Sometimes it’s important to let someone sit there and struggle to do something, let them do it badly, and fight down every urge you have to just do it right. It’s part of the natural process of teaching people to be independent, and who really cares if their shirt is on backwards? Just stay out of the way unless they start playing with plastic bags or something.

What doing? and Why?

This happens often, sometimes ad nauseum. As I type this I can hear my kid ask me what I’m doing, and hear myself say any number of mundane tasks. I’m driving the car. I’m cooking dinner. I’m using the bathroom.

But my kid doesn’t actually want an explanation of what I’m doing or why I’m doing it. They want to be seen and heard. It’s a good reminder that I need to reach out more if I want to keep those lines of communication open.

It’s my turn.

We started daycare, so we’re learning a lot about sharing lately. Mostly we’re learning that sharing is fun when it’s my turn and less fun when it’s someone else’s turn. And thanks to our family’s newest arrival, we’re learning that our old baby-oriented toys have to be shared as well. The horrors don’t end when we leave school. 

Any customer service associate can tell you, a lot of people are just like my kid: Not happy when forced to share, but quick to gleefully announce, “My turn!” when there’s something to gain.

A few days ago they said, “My just hold this,” grabbed the last bite of my donut and gleefully scarfed it down. If that doesn’t illustrate human nature, I don’t know what does.

My just don’t like it.

My kid likes to break this one out when they’ve run out of reasons to not do something I’ve asked them to do. They’re not even three years old, so this happens pretty quickly.

There are some things people won’t do until someone sits them down and forces the issue. It doesn’t matter if it’s easy or a good idea or something they thought they wanted to do earlier. People make decisions based on how they feel, and feelings are as fickle as they are powerful.

When dealing with a stubborn person, at some point you have to decide which battles you want to fight and which you can gracefully lose. Though admittedly calm and grace aren’t often associated with the parents of toddlers.

Toddlers are people, and people can be toddlers

Or at least they can act like them, especially when they’re dealing with something stressful.

Sam Dicken
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